JANUARY 18, 2025.
I SWEAR I'M A BAD PERSON.
I DON'T WANT TO GET AN INTERNSHIP IN HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT. I'LL EITHER GOT SHOT OR BLOW MY BRAINS OUT MYSELF. THEY HAVE A SERIOUS CRIME PROBLEM OVER THERE.
NOTHING IS A BIG DEAL BUT EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.
I NEED TO HAVE A JOB TO PAY FOR COLLEGE. I CAN'T PARTY BECAUSE I WORK OPENING SHIFTS. NOT BEING ABLE TO GET DRUNK ON THE WEEKEND MAKES ME WANT TO DROP OUT OF COLLEGE. I WOULD SKIP CLASS TO MAKE MONEY. WAIT... THIS IS CALLED "OUROBOROS."
SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT HOW SWEET I WAS WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE MY WORLD IS ENDING. I'M NEVER GONNA BE AS BARE AND BABY-FACED AS I WAS BACK THEN... WHAT IF I'M MEAN MY ENTIRE LIFE?!
PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY I'M OBSESSED WITH BOYS. I AM O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D WITH BOYS. I GET HEADACHES FROM HOW HARD I STUDY THEIR CLOTHES AND SHOES AND HAIR.
I'M NOT A GOOD DANCER, AND I FEAR IT'S GOING TO CATCH UP TO ME VERY. VERY. SOON.
I KEEP THINKING ABOUT A FAILED KEY BUMP.
WHAT IF I MAKE SOMEONE SO MISERABLE THEY KILL THEMSELF??!?!
DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY VAPES ONLINE?
I DON'T KNOW A SINGLE COOL LESBIAN. I KNOW (OF) COOL GAY MEN. DO I HATE WOMEN?
IF I START MAKING MUSIC RIGHT NOW, I CAN OPEN FOR KEN CARSON WITHIN SIX YEARS. HAHA.
I DON'T LIKE KEN CARSON.
I NEED TO GET LEOPARD SEAT COVERS FOR MY CAR! LUSSHHHH!
HONESTLY, I DON'T THINK I'M VERY GOOD AT READING POETRY.
I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY WHO WAS ALSO BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL. OR, SPECIFICALLY, BULLIED BY BOYS IN HIGH SCHOOL. NOBODY KNOWS HOW MISERABLE IT WAS. I THOUGHT EVERYONE HATED SCHOOL AS MUCH AS I DID.
I THINK MY WISDOM TEETH HOLES ARE OPENING UP AGAIN. BLOOOOOOOD.
WHEN OLD MEN'S TESTOSTERONE LEVELS BEGIN TO FALL, THEY LOSE THE HAIR ON THEIR LEGS. I THINK THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME. BUT INSTEAD OF HAVING FEMININE HAIRLESS LEGS, I HAVE THE SHINY WHITE LEGS OLD MEN HAVE. I HAVE BECOME WHAT USED TO DISGUST ME.
PRIDE COMETH BEFORE THE FALL.
I WONDER IF MEN THINK I'M HOT?
DO PEOPLE INTERPRET ME AS SHORT? I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS SMALL BUT PEOPLE HAVE MADE MENTION OF IT LATELY. IT GROSSES ME OUT THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ATTRACTED TO ME, AND I'VE BEEN SHORT ALL THE WHILE. WHY WOULD SOMEONE BE ATTRACTED TO A SHORT PERSON? HAVE BOYS LIKED ME THE WAY BOYS LIKE SHORT GIRLS? I THINK IT'S CORNY TO BE A SHORT TOP; WAY TOO OBVIOUS OF A SUBVERSION. BUT IT'S EVEN WORSE TO BE A SHORT BOTTOM. EVERYTHING I DO IS TAINTED BY MY HEIGHT. COULD A TALL MAN BE ATTRACTED TO ME WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I'M SHORT? I DON'T KNOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
I GOT SO BORED I STARTED HUFFING SHARPIES.
I SAW A "TIMSHEL" LICENSE PLATE TODAY. GOD IS SPEAKING TO ME.
GOD IS STILL SPEAKING. SAID EVERY QUEER CHURCH EVER! HAHA.
THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW WAS MAKING ME NERVOUS BECAUSE EVERYONE TALKED SO CASUALLY AND MADE EASY JOKES. SO, I GOT TO WONDERING... IF I WAS ON THE SHOW, WOULD I BE PART OF THE ADULTS WHO MAKE FUNNY JOKES OR WOULD I BE ONE OF THE WEIRDO YOUNGSTERS WHO SEEMS KIND OF ANAL AND BORING. I WANT TO BE PART OF THE COOL FUNNY ADULT GROUP BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE IT IN ME. I CAN'T TELL IF I INTERACT LIKE I'M HUMAN OR ALIEN. I NEED EVERYONE TO GIVE ME FEEDBACK ON MY PERFORMANCE. MY COWORKERS INTERACT WITH ME LIKE I'M EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED.
WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL I WOULD HAVE DREAMS ABOUT OWNING A VAPE AND VAPING IN MY BED. THESE DREAMS MOST CLOSELY RESEMBLED WET DREAMS.
I HAVE LOTS OF DREAMS...